101 Reframes for a Richer Social Life

hands formed together with red heart paint

Yesterday I brainstormed a list of reframes that I’ve found useful at various times for exploring a better social life. I shared this in the Conscious Growth Club forums and felt that it would be nice to share it here as well.

A frame (or reframe) is a way of looking at reality and assigning meaning to events and experiences, similar to an attitude or perspective.

A frame is not a belief. You don’t have to believe a frame to use it effectively. Much like any hardware tool such as a hammer or drill, you can use a frame for a short time and release it again when you’re done.

Here’s the list. Skim through it, and consider what testing some of these reframes could do for your relationships and social life. Feel free to modify them to better suit your situation and goals.

  1. I don’t need to break the ice with anyone since there is no ice.
  2. Treat people like we’re already friends, and we probably will become so.
  3. I’m holding an open and receptive vibe.
  4. Opportunities to connect are everywhere.
  5. Statements are often better than questions.
  6. People don’t need to fear a harsh rejection from me.
  7. If I’m not interested, I will let people down easy.
  8. I’m more socially comfortable than most people. I needn’t worry about my comfort. It’s better to focus on theirs.
  9. Most people want to have quality connections with others.
  10. We’re all a part of life.
  11. We’re a lot more alike than we are different.
  12. I have a lot to offer people intellectually, emotionally, conversationally, etc.
  13. I like it when people are friendly with me.
  14. All of this is temporary – this life, these people, these experiences, this planet – all of it.
  15. I’m here because all of my ancestors had sex.
  16. An approach that lands horribly with one person might absolutely delight another.
  17. [When speaking in front of a group] The audience and I are on the same side since we all want to have a good experience.
  18. Humor and music are great for helping people bond and harmonize.
  19. I laugh every day.
  20. What’s interesting about this person?
  21. If I satisfy people’s expectations, they won’t remember much. People remember the unexpected.
  22. What’s my intention for this interaction?
  23. My intentions are good.
  24. I like myself. What would be the point in not liking myself? That would only fragment my mind.
  25. I have many voices within me. One job of my conscious mind is to create harmony among them.
  26. It’s not my own nervousness or anxiety that I’m feeling. It’s coming from other people. How can I put them at ease?
  27. Sharing the parts I most want to hide can be the best way to connect with people.
  28. I’ll keep getting better with practice.
  29. My future self has already figured this out.
  30. My future self already has this skill.
  31. My future self is perfectly comfortable in this situation.
  32. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
  33. If God made me and then objects to how I choose to live, God’s an ass and unworthy of my respect.
  34. I will never really know how this reality works at a base level.
  35. More is possible.
  36. I’m here to learn and grow.
  37. Women choose me first and drop clues if they’re interested. The best matches come when I recognize this.
  38. The easiest way to see if I have good physical chemistry with a woman is when we kiss.
  39. Many people tend to be very concerned about judgment. If I can put them at ease about that, they’ll be far more open and honest.
  40. I can trust my intuition.
  41. It’s easy for people to trust me.
  42. People love to tell me things they don’t feel comfortable telling anyone else, including their spouses, since they know I won’t judge them for it.
  43. My social path is invariably going to be unique and creative.
  44. The best models and frames are the ones I figure out for myself. I can learn bits and pieces from others, but I still have to personalize them to play to my strengths.
  45. The point of life is to appreciate the heck out of it.
  46. Whatever I do that leads to rejection from one direction also spins up fresh invitations from another direction.
  47. Make it easy for the misaligned to reject me.
  48. When people reject me, they’re doing me a favor, freeing up my energy to explore better sources of alignment.
  49. As long as I keep exploring and setting aligned intentions for connecting, I’m never really going to need to worry about being alone.
  50. The more honest I can be about my desires and intentions, the easier it is for good matches to recognize me.
  51. I like what I like.
  52. What’s stopping me from sharing this intention publicly?
  53. I want a social circle that’s richly abundant in mutual appreciation.
  54. Look for alignment at the level of intention first.
  55. One reason that non-procreative sex exists is that it’s good for communication pathways, which creates stronger and healthier communities. When people have sex, they’re more likely to talk to each other.
  56. I feel compersion for others when they get what they want.
  57. It feels amazing to help people surpass me. Then I can learn from them too. Isn’t that the basis of fabulous friendship and teamwork?
  58. It’s fun to make people feel good.
  59. Life is an endless flow of invitations.
  60. I feel right at home here.
  61. If someone is getting better or easier results, they’re likely using more effective frames than me. What are those frames? How could I learn them and then test them?
  62. I absolutely must avoid framing myself into a corner. It’s critical to keep the reframing pathways open and flexible.
  63. My long-term happiness and fulfillment must really piss off my critics.
  64. If I ever feel a bit disconnected or confused, an easy way to feel reintegrated into the positive flow of life is to share something with the purest of intentions, such as by writing a new article with the desire to help someone out there who might appreciate it.
  65. People have beauty within them that longs to be seen and acknowledged.
  66. There’s a lesson in every social experience.
  67. Fun is my birthright.
  68. People tend to gravitate toward people who are having fun since they know they’ll enjoy themselves too if bonded with similar people.
  69. Fun is directly proportional to learning.
  70. My highest destiny is to be myself, fully and completely.
  71. I am assembling my own social reality right here, right now. The quality of that reality depends on how much truth I can stand while creating it.
  72. I am beautiful in my own unique way, even when people disagree with me or don’t like what I do (or say) to them; therefore, their approval is not a prerequisite for living life the way that feels right and best to me.
  73. This moment is perfectly designed as it is right now, as all moments in the past and future are too. There’s nothing to fix or change, other than trying to stop resisting this moment.
  74. I don’t need to live up to anyone else’s standards (no matter how high they might be). All that matters is living up to my own values and standards that I’ve chosen for myself when it comes to me being true and genuine – that’s all the approval I’ll ever need because it’s self-approval and thus unconditional and limitless in scope.
  75. When I open up space for new things to enter into my life, I’m open to new opportunities that will benefit me in some way.
  76. Maintaining good boundaries is essential for allowing the best matches to continue showing up in my life.
  77. Abundance isn’t about how much stuff I have or how many people are chasing me; it’s about my energy level and willingness to explore new ideas and opportunities with others who share compatible levels of curiosity and enthusiasm.
  78. The world is filled with beautiful surprises just waiting to be discovered at every moment!
  79. I don’t have to waste my time on people if they don’t appreciate how awesome I am, because there are so many other people who would love to have me as their friend or companion, and they’re out there right now waiting for me to find them!
  80. The more clarity I have about who I really am and what I want, the more energy flows through this path toward its ultimate destination of an awesome life experience or manifestation in physical reality!
  81. The more fun I have, the easier everything gets!
  82. The more people can successfully talk about their goals and desires without encountering the usual knee-jerk shaming, the more likely they are to achieve them.
  83. I don’t really need anyone else’s permission to get what I want out of life.
  84. Any person who rejects me is simply an opportunity for me to learn how not to connect with that type in the future, which will make it far easier for me to connect with others instead.
  85. Negativity is a gift from the universe that tells me which intentions no longer serve my highest good at this time.
  86. I can always tell when something isn’t working by how much resistance I encounter doing it. If there’s lots of resistance then I know to stop and let go of that pattern immediately!
  87. When people are right for me, they really do show up as if by magic – and then disappear once their purpose has been completed too (after which point it doesn’t make sense to try to contact them). They’re right for me when they give me the experiences I’m looking to learn from – and then poof, they’re gone.
  88. We are all interconnected through invisible threads of social energy. When we create positive interactions with others, our own well-being is enhanced as well as theirs, because there is only one of us here!
  89. It feels fabulous to make an effort and know it’s appreciated by someone else. That appreciation returns back to me in a ripple effect called karma that often brings other people into my life who appreciate me too!
  90. The best way for an interaction to go poorly is for me to try and force something that just isn’t going to happen naturally or easily between us.
  91. The only way people are going to find out about my desires and intentions is if I tell them directly, clearly, and vulnerably up front, rather than expecting them somehow to read my mind weeks into the future.
  92. If I want to be liked, it means I’m not taking good enough care of myself.
  93. The more clearly defined / specific my desires and intentions, the easier time people will have understanding what they are and how to interact with me accordingly (and vice versa).
  94. People will only ever invite me into their lives if there’s something in it for them too.
  95. The more I can enjoy the moment, the more I’m able to give my full energy out into it and pick up on what other people want as well.
  96. I allow myself the freedom to be a dancing monkey and also a wise old sage according to what being a dancing monkey or being a wise old sage requires of me at any given time – because both are natural for me – and it takes zero energy away from either role to play the other as well.
  97. This person is already seeing parts of me they like.
  98. This person knows exactly what I am and isn’t sure what to do about it yet.
  99. The most important thing in life is love and connection among people who mutually respect one another, who like each other enough to be open with each other without fear of rejection or betrayal.
  100. Even if I don’t have much to say, I can still offer people energy.
  101. It’s okay to be weird!

In truth I only wrote up the first 65 reframes on the list above. Some of those I learned and adapted from other people, and some I figured out on my own.

I did not, however, write reframes 66-101. Those were all AI-generated. I fed my original list of 65 into an AI creative writing tool based on GPT-3, and I had it generate many more related reframes. Then I filtered out the weakest ones, keeping those I found most interesting. Did you notice a difference when you passed #65 on the list? One difference I noticed is that AI likes using exclamations marks a lot more than I do. It also seems a bit wordier in expressing itself.

I found some of the AI-generated reframes pretty interesting. For instance, #92 on the list is an interesting take on self-care, suggesting that if you’re concerned about being liked by others, maybe this points to a deficiency in your own self-care routine. Perhaps if you took better care of yourself, you’d be less concerned about being liked, and you’d probably come off as more naturally likable too.

Note that reframes are not truths; they’re just perspectives, so we can test and try them out to see what they do for us – no belief necessary.

Ponder some of the social reframes on this list, and pull out or highlight the ones that seem most interesting to you. Then give them a test next time you find yourself engaging in some type of social interaction. When you use a good reframe, you’ll find yourself behaving a bit differently, and that can shift the results you experience.

Steve Pavlina

Steve Pavlina is an American self-help author, motivational speaker and entrepreneur. He is the author of the web site stevepavlina.com and the book Personal Development for Smart People.

You may also like...